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MANIPULATIVE CHILD
Manipulating their parents in order to have the final word or to reach their purpose is something teen agers are best at.
Teenagers know how to push their parents' buttons. They hold an arsenal of techniques and know instinctively how to use their tools to reach their aim.
Once they have the upper hand, they will indefinitely use it, raising the bar, increasing demands, imposing rules and turning their parents into victims and transforming the relation “parents-kids” into a manipulative threat.
Kids can only manipulate parents who allow them to do so.
It is normal for kids and teen to want their thing at all cost but it is important for parents to stand firm and put at the core of their parental priorities the welfare of their kids, their self-control and integrity not only their happiness.
FORMS OF MANIPULATION STEAMROLLING
It's the never-ending, repeated request that's intended (even if unconsciously) to disarm a parent so the teen can get what she or he wants. Steamrolling can best be defined as: "Can I? Can I? Can I?
Psychotherapist Stacy Kaiser says “parents should think about their bottom line.”
- They should put a condition if they intend to fulfill their kids will and never allow further discussion.
- Impose a strict time limit for their repetitive annoying steamrolling and ground them for every further minute by delaying an activity they like.
- Impose a strict time limit for their repetitive annoying steamrolling and ground them for every further minute by delaying an activity they like.
LYING
As kids get older their lies become more sophisticated and, therefore, more difficult to identify.
Whenever parents catch a lie, they should retaliate immediately regardless of how big or innocent the lie is. The punishment must be stepped up with repetitive lies.
It is primordial to teach our kids to reach their aim more directly, honestly and effectively and to let them know that their manipulative behavior will not be effective in getting what they want. As a matter of fact, it will only get them in further trouble.
REVENGE
Teens might use revenge to punish their parents for any rejected request or to put them under pressure.
This can be translated in neglecting their studies, harmful behavior, or simply ignoring what is expected of them.
Parents should keep calm and not lose their temper in front of such a situation. Sometimes ignoring a negative behavior can be a solution. In other cases, parents should make it clear to their teens that although they are not toddlers anymore, punishment remains always an option if manipulative behavior becomes recurrent.
EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
This is the most challenging way of manipulation that teens use in order to get what they want or escape from what is demanded from them.
They surely know that all what parents want is to see them happy so they will use each possible way to blackmail them.
They will stop eating, show sad faces, use tears or hundreds of other emotional tricks.
When faced with such a situation, parents should control their feelings and focus on the main issue without falling into the trap.
They should realize that making their kids happy is fine but their first priority should be to prepare them for the world even if this means for them to be sad for a while.
Family psychologist David Swanson says that “if you can consistently keep your poise, over time your child will stop using emotional blackmail as a form of manipulation.”
SILENCE THERAPY
Teens might isolate and distance themselves from their parents using silence therapy as a form of pressure over parents.
Before confronting this frustrating form of manipulation, parents should distinguish whether it is a manipulative behavior or a serious state of mind.
In both cases parents need to have a talk with their kid in order to help them get out of this silent wall. In case, this silence is manipulative, communication is important without compromising. |
